As the ancient Chinese proverb goes,
When you look swaggy, you feel swaggy.
Trends and styles come and go… but mostly come and stay for a really long time in the community. Let’s face it: when you look the part, you feel the part, and that’s no exception for the dance community. There are agreeably a few staple items that dancers wear to practice or workshops or on stage when they want to look good and feel good, but the truth is, sometimes they are just much more inconvenient than you think. After extensive scientific research based on observations and making things up, I present to you the inconvenient truths of “looking hip hop.”
“TRUTH” – You look GanGsteR #swaqq. You put on a snapback/fitted and instantly, #swaqq. It covers your eyes so basics can’t look into your soul and are left wondering who this swaggy dance prodigy is. While covering half your face, it only reveals the bottom half, that jaw line that, let’s face it, gets all the ladies going. “I love when he does that jaw clench/click thing, ugh.” When worn backwards, instantly you look like Tyga, and paired with diamond studs or hoops, you are ready to shoot a music video. Ladies, when clad in a snapback, you don’t even need adoption papers because you are officially fierce enough to become a Royal Family member.
INCONVENIENCE – Contrary to popular belief, the snapback does NOT actually enhance your dance skill level by 2000 hp. Crazy, I know! Also, you must constantly make sure that your hat does not fall off on stage, because it’ll be on video forever and you’ll know exactly what time it is at – 2:39 – and you’ll cringe watching the video, even on a #TBT. Or that will be the one competition that your team gets 2nd instead of 1st and though everyone says it’s fine, they’ll secretly resent your stupid hat falling off during the most epic part of the set that cost them the win. Maybe.
Also, hats make you sweat and keep that sweat right in place on your forehead, and that is just asking for acne. Snapbacks and zits too? No thank you.
“TRUTH” – You are Chachi. These pants are what people wear in the videos. Also, I like these pants because they make my leg size a wonder: do I have thunder thighs or do I have chicken legs? The mystery is so real. These are way better than jeans and there’s room for my incredibly large… thighs.
INCONVENIENCE – To non dancers, you are susceptible to three things:
- People will ask you if you have pooped in your pants.
- People will call you MC Hammer.
- You will get many Aladdin/Arabian nights/Genie in a bottle comments. They will not rub you the right way.
Also, sometimes they actually hinder your range of motion. The fabric is loose in your booty region but gets tighter on your lower legs, and when you bend your knees, depending on the material, the material will only stretch so much.
And don’t forget the question on everyone’s minds: where does your crotch ACTUALLY end?
“TRUTH” – Guys, you just somehow look more hip. You could dance in SF or LA, the choice is yours because that beanie makes you welcome in a plethora of societies. Ladies, if you get that black beanie pinched at the top with something stitched on the forehead – either a design or a quote from Mean Girls will do – and wear it with hoops, dark lips, fleek brows, and contour your cheekbones, you will be ready to look and dance like a baddie.
INCONVENIENCE – If your head is shaped a certain way, a beanie slips right off if you turn your head, leaving you looking like a Baby Bottle Pop (it’s a Baby Bottle Pahhhhhp?). If the beanie falls off, not only will you have the image engrained in your head 5ever, but you will also have terrible hair as a result because no one ever looks great after a taking off a beanie, what with sweaty and matted hair hiding underneath that knitted little devil. Also, while worrying about the beanie falling off, you limit your head motions and quality of movement.
“TRUTH” – Leggings give me the ultimate full range of leg motion. I can bend my legs, lift my legs, and open my… heart as much I please. They look great with combat boots, hi-tops and low tops, and they give me a clean silhouette. And they’re super comfy.
INCONVENIENCE – The truths to leggings are actually quite true, but the inconvenience is a problem that will never die. Ladies, help me out by imagining this scenario.
You’re at practice. Warm up and stretches are starting. Start with the head and neck, ahh yes, shoulder rolls. Do some of those reaches to the side, left right left right, reach all the way to one side, maybe throw in a flat back stretch, then bend over towards one leg –
“HEY I HAVE THOSE UNDERWEAR FROM VICTORIA’S SECRET EXCEPT MINE SAY ‘PINK’ ON THE BUTT AND YOURS SAY ‘MAKE OUT OR GET OUT’.”
The opacity level of 92% of the leggings that you wear does not take into account the fact that you will be stretching and dancing in them. But hey, at least you’re wearing underwear right? Luckily, scientists have come up with a solution to this inconvenience with this mathematical equation:
Opacity level > 50% + Bright Colored Underwear = Flannel.
“TRUTH” – You look like a mix between Jenny from the block and Jessica Alba in Honey. #swaqq. Hair up, look fierce. Hair down, still look fierce. Short hair, even more fierce.
INCONVENIENCE – Personally, I’m afraid to wear hoops because I have long hair and I have this image that I will be doing some wonderful hairography and my hair will get caught in the hoop and I will struggle to get it out during the piece so I just try to wait until it’s over and instead, the hair pulls out my earring and rips my ear open. You’re rushed to the emergency room. What do you tell them? “I ripped open my ear from being fierce.”
That’s just me though *shrug*.
In conclusion, as we can see here through all of this research, everyone should just dance naked for convenience and safety.
What other inconvenient truths do you think there are? Share your thoughts by commenting below!
Want advice on how to find your own steeze? Check out one of our Ask STEEZY articles here!